One in Four Recollections of Years of Infertility and Academic Precarity

To anyone who’s been through both, the parallels between fertility treatment and academic job hunt must be obvious. You spend most of your years uncertain about the future (should I buy this summer dress? But what if I’m pregnant by the summer? What if I get a job in Finland?) and then, at pointed intervals, you need to muster all your energy to undergo a trial: an in vitro fertilization / an academic interview. Both require you to: 1) do nothing but prep for about two weeks, 2) to stay well-rested and healthy until the procedure is complete, 3) to really wish for it but avoid cramping up with desperation, 4) and then to wait for two excruciating uncertain weeks. The result is, more often than not, a rejection – of your body, of your mind. This essay chronicles my experiences with trying to get pregnant while struggling to get a permanent job in academia.